The path of acceptance and the gifts of a silent retreat

There are practices we can draw on to support a sense of peace and connection with all things. One of the most powerful is acceptance.

I’m still integrating the effects of the beautiful silent retreat I attended a couple of weeks ago and want to share some insights are still resonating within me. The poem “Peace”, by Joseph Goldstein (you can read it below), was read aloud by retreat teacher, Eugene Cash. Four words in the poem still ring in my mind: “anything can happen anytime.” Here’s where I go with it.

For a little context, I heard it around the time in the retreat that, as I wrote in my journal, I was “reaching the stillness point, where colors are vivid and luminous.” If you’ve attended a meditation retreat of any length, but especially a multi-day retreat, you probably know that space. It can open you to take in something like a poem in a more nuanced and personal way.

There are practices we can draw on to support a sense of peace and connection with all things. One of the most powerful is acceptance. The benefits are clear to me and when I have spoken about it with others, there tends to be agreement that it’s not a one-size-fits all experience. It’s not something we arrive at one time, but a kind of active cultivation practice, something to nurture - sometimes even on a moment to moment level.

On retreat, sometimes we meet painful thoughts and feelings, but when I attend meditation retreats, sometimes insights come to me through streams of thought that are pure comedy (you should hear the one about the meditation retreat olympics.) If acceptance of how things are could be packaged and sold, can you imagine it appearing in a television commercial?

Imaginary TV commercial:

“Are you experiencing resistance to how things are? Ask your doctor if acceptance might be right for you!” Side effects include, joy, peace, better connection with others, less stress and pain and a solid night of sleep.”

The good news: we may not be able to pick it up at the pharmacy, but it is something we can cultivate. It’s important to remember that it’s not the same thing as acquiescence, submission, or stoic resolve; it can hide behind our blind spots.

When acceptance is most needed and helpful is often when times are the most stressful. It may involve some learning and support from others. Ultimately, can be a great ally and one of your best friends. However challenging, acceptance practice is one of the most reliable paths to a sense of greater peace, equanimity, a release of tension, and even an easing of physical or emotional pain.

I became an MBSR teacher because the mindfulness practice it helped me develop helped me relate to the stress in my life differently. One of the biggest misconceptions about mindfulness that I witness in pop culture is that it’s a kind of relaxation practice or escape route. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I personally love a good escape route - my favorite TV shows and comfort foods come to mind. But with mindfulness, “We don’t practice to get past what’s happening. We practice so we can be with it.” I heard Eugene Cash express this recently and it’s so succinct. Being with things as they are allows us to soften to the resistance of what’s already happening.

The truth is, it can take a lot of courage to be present with how things are. The challenge of meeting feelings, taking a brave next step - sometimes even taking a deep breath can feel hard. This is where acceptance, through mindfulness, lives as an active practice. This is a way to support ourselves IRL (shorthand for in real life), not just on retreat, so we can fully live all our moments.

Mindfulness (and acceptance) happens in the present moment but the effects often unfold over time, like through “a night of grumble”, as Joseph recalls in the poem. Ultimately, it’s a responsive practice: direct, deliberate and conscious. I invite you to enjoy the poem below and ask yourself how Joseph’s slip and fall may be a metaphor for something happening in your life right now.

Peace:

a high forest stream

a slip, a fall

and summer plans asunder.

Why, because

Anything can happen anytime

Unplanned, unexpected,

Unwanted

But after a night

Of grumble

Peace.

Why, because

Anything can happen anytime

And knowing the meaning

Of those four words

Opens the heart

To life

To death